I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize