im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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