Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize