SEEEEXXX PLEASE
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
