Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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