Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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