i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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