when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
