Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
