he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
