Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
two words...techno handjob
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
