i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
