I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
