Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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