i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
