Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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