I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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