I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
