i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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