I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
