yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
