i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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