you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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