Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
