I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
