I wannas sexs uuuuu
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
