coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
