The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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