there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
