Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
