you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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