All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize