Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
