the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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