Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Houston, we have a blender
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
