omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
