I just saw a hot homeless man
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
