I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
