So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
