She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
