I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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