she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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