I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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