i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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