There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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