I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
