Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
