Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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