walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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