Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
