I have demons in me.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
