so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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