Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
