i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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