It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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