What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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