My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
