Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
