Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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