You're a womanizer and a bitch.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
