i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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