I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize