I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
