Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Four minutes until I can fart!
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This is classic penis vs brain.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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