I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
