I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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