i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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