i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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