What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
