he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
