There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
