I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
