Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
