I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
