I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize