You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Randomize
